A monthly advice column

This month: guest columnist Adam Mckay

Dear Sedaratives,

I’ve heard that you can legally buy marijuana if you have glaucoma. I’d like to avoid optic nerve damage, as anything on or around my eyes kinda creeps me out. Are there non-eyeball diseases that would allow me to smoke government-sanctioned weed?

Modesto, Calif.

Dear Sandy,

You’ve asked a very intriguing question. Right now, in the great state of California, there are many ailments that doctors will treat with weed: back pain, anxiety, that time of the month, etc., etc. Some lesser-known ailments include: being bitten by a fruit bat (let’s face it, if you’ve been bitten by a poodle-size bat, you need to get high fast so you can laugh about it), being dead (8 percent of marijuana users are zombies, thus explaining their slow walk and lack of jobs), and being haunted by a ghost (if you walk into a doctor’s office and yell, “The ghosts won’t get out of my head!” what serious professional won’t hook you up with some ganja immediately?).


We hope you enjoy this excerpt.

To read the full piece, please visit our store to purchase a copy of the magazine.

Adam McKay is a director and writer of movies including Anchorman and Talladega Nights, and also cofounded the website Funny or Die. He was head writer of Saturday Night Live in the late ’90s and a cofounder of the Upright Citizens Brigade.

News on Facebook Photos on Instagram Stuff on Pinterest Announcements by RSS Sounds on Soundcloud Exclusives on Tumblr Updates on Twitter

Subscribe to our mailing list