Sedaratives

A Monthly Advice Column

This month: guest columnist Nell Scovell

Dear Sedaratives,
I get really high on allergy medicine. Not on purpose; I just feel like my head is abuzz when I take Claritin. I’ve tried others and I don’t get the same high. Does the high mean it’s working and I need to get past my fear of addiction?

Chris M.
Las Cruces, N.M.

Dear Chris,

Good news! There’s no need for you to worry about becoming an addict. Bad news! You already are one. Residing in New Mexico means you are almost certainly addicted to oil. When was the last time you went a week without heating your home or getting into your car? And like most Americans, I bet you’re also addicted to corn syrup, caffeine, the twenty-four-hour news cycle, and cheap goods from China. Oh yeah, I can smell the Walmart on you even through the internet. And speaking of the internet, I bet you’re addicted to that, too. And porn, obviously. When was the last time you went a day without porn? And there’s something else you can’t live without: as the late Robert Palmer observed, you might as well face it, you’re addicted to love. So I wouldn’t be concerned about adding the Claritin monkey to that load on your back. It’ll jump right in and play with the troop that’s already there.

Nell

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Nell Scovell has written for many publications (Spy, Vanity Fair, the New York Times) and TV shows (The Simpsons, Monk, NCIS). She created ABC’s Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, and has directed two cable movies. This year, she coauthored Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.

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