Musin’s and Thinkin’s

A Monthly Stroll Down Folksy Byways

with Jack Pendarvis

My needs are simple. I don’t want to be a fancy fellow with his head on Mount Rushmore. I don’t even want to be the guy who goes around bragging that he carved the heads of better men onto Mount Rushmore.

I don’t want to be the clerk in the hardware store who sold the guy who carved Mount Rushmore whatever tool he carved Mount Rushmore with. A chisel, probably.

I don’t want to be the guy who came into the hardware store earlier that day and picked up that chisel and almost bought it but then was like, “Nah, maybe I’ll buy a chisel some other time.” Later the chisel carved Mount Rushmore and the guy went to his deathbed never knowing that he had touched the chisel that carved Mount Rushmore.

I don’t want to be that guy’s wife, Debra. When the guy comes home Debra asks him what he did that day and he says he left work early and thought about buying a chisel but then he didn’t.

Debra goes, “Oh, brother, that’s you in a nutshell! You’re going to get fired if you keep this up. Plus, you can never make up your mind about what you want to do. I want a divorce!” They’re doing dishes together and the guy, Pete, throws the sponge into the soapy water.

We hope you enjoy this excerpt.

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Jack Pendarvis has written three books.

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