February 2012

Sedaratives

A Monthly Advice Column

This month: guest columnist Weird Al Yankovic

Dear Sedaratives,
My wife finally gave me permission to build my own “man cave” in the basement. What are some essentials? I already have a beer tap and a flat-screen TV, but what else do I need?

Tony Kastner
Gaithersburg, Md.

Dear Tony,

You’ve already got an excellent start there, Tony. Just make sure that the flat-screen measures at least as many inches diagonally as you are tall, minus the length of your forearm—failing to meet that spec is a common mistake made by first-time man-cave builders.

Of course, you’ll also want some of the essentials—a stack of back-issues of Modern Bride, a PedEgg (with matching PedEgg caddie), a German-made antique gummy-worm dispenser, a small albino alpaca (neutered), an inflatable wading pool filled with lavender and periwinkle ping-pong balls, a twelve-volt car battery with jumper cables, a box of sixty-four Crayola crayons (be sure to purchase the version with the built-in sharpener), a set of Hummel figurines (no dolphins!), and a Sparkletts water bottle filled with Astroglide. Then I think you’re all set.

Good luck, and happy spelunking!
Weird Al

We hope you enjoy this excerpt.

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Weird Al Yankovic is a three-time Grammy winner and a sixth-grade spelling-bee winner. His first children's book, When I Grow Up, was published in 2010 by HarperCollins.

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