Sedaratives

A monthly advice column

This month: guest columnist Paul Feig

Dear Sedaratives,

I just had a dream where I was in a prison tower and a large bear started attacking me because it was angry. I am concerned because in the dream, someone I don’t know brought the bear to my house in a plastic igloo and said, “Look, it’s my pet!” Is this an omen?

Liz, age 18

Dear Liz,

What kind of a bear was it? Grizzly? Polar? Teddy? Chicago? What kind of prison tower? An old one, like the Tower of London? Older, like the one Rapunzel tossed her hair out of? Or modern, like the kind the guards stand on at San Quentin? And what kind of igloo was it? One of those dog house igloos? If so, the bear couldn’t have been that big. It wasn’t an Igloo-brand cooler, was it? The bear would be even smaller if that was the case. If you want my help, I need details, girl. Maybe you eighteen-year-olds think this whole vague description thing is the bomb, but for us guys in our forties, we need specifics. You wouldn’t be this ambiguous if I was Dr. Phil, now would you? Write me back and get that thesaurus out.

Paul

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Paul Feig is the creator of the former NBC series Freaks and Geeks, as well as the director of the movies I Am David and Unaccompanied Minors and many episodes of the TV shows Arrested Development and The Office. He is also the author of the books Kick Me and Superstud. His first young adult novel, Ignatius MacFarland: Frequenaut! comes out in September from Little, Brown.

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